Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
