her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
