I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
