my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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