she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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