There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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