The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
