he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Two words: blizzard sex
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
