SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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