I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
