i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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