I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
