Nicole vs. Life
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
