Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
