I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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