i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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