took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
