My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
