you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Randomize
