do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Randomize
