Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
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