i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
