We're facebook friends in real life
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
