WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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