The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
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He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
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I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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