apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
