Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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