After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize