I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
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