i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
My breasts were aching with rage.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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