I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
