So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
