there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
