I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
