ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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