and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
