I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
