where am i from again
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
