I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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