question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
