dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Randomize
