I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
