haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
