Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
