she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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