The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
This is my gift to your gina
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
