grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
