I have demons in me.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
