I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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