She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
