Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
