dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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