You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
