He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
