Whod you bang
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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