so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Randomize
