He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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