the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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