:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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