It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
