I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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