Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize
