Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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