Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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