Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize