Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
