I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
