Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
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we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
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Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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