maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
