he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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