i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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